Monday, January 23, 2012

IPAD 2 for Dummies

A brief respite from poker talk. 

This Christmas, I bought my mom an IPAD.  By way of background, she has a 10-year old desktop at her house in New York, which is essentially non-functioning, unless you are willing to wait ten minutes for any given program to open up, and even longer for said program to do anything you may want it to do.  Checking e-mail is a 30-minute endeavor. 

She also has a laptop which, for the past few years, she has brought with her to my parents condo in Florida where they spend most of the winter.  The laptop functions somewhat better than the desktop.  The laptop, however, cannot be used in New York to replace the desktop.  According to my mom, "[i]t's only for use in Florida."  Okay.  Seems reasonable ....  

This past December, I was struggling to come up with a Christmas gift.  How about an IPAD?  I figured the laptop could replace the non-functioning desktop, and the IPAD, in turn, could make the trip to Florida for the winter.  Seemed like a good idea . . . in theory . . .

This morning, I'm sitting at my desk, and the phone rings.  It's my mom.  She finally got wireless Internet turned on in Florida and has questions about the new IPAD.  Conversation goes as follows:

Mom:  how do I turn it off?

Me:  button on top right.  But, you don’t have to turn it off.  Just charge it when the battery gets low.

Mom: You have to charge this?

Me.  Yes. 

Mom:   I had no idea.

Me.  It don't run on magic.

Mom:  how do I sign out of my email?

Me:  you don’t have to.

Mom:  what if I want to?

Me:  why would you want to?

Mom:  I had to on my old computer.

Me:  This is much simpler than your computer.

Mom:  So, I don't have to log on to optonline to get my email

Me:  No.

Mom:  How would I get online to optonline in case I want to check it that way?

Me:  I don't understand the question and I refuse to answer.

Mom:  how come its showing emails that I deleted already.

Me:  maybe you are in your deleted email folder.

Mom:  I’m not

Me:  Ipad must be broken.

Mom:  I like to delete my emails after I read them.

Me.  Who wouldn't?   I'm at work.  Is there anything else?

Mom: I can't close out of my email.

Me: Just click the circle below the screen.

Mom: There is no circle. Only a picture of a square.

Me: Is the picture of the square on a circular indentation?

Mom: Yes.

Me:   Well, press it.

Mom:  That just sends me back to the main screen.

Me:  Good.  That means it's working.

Mom:  But what if I want to completely close out of a program . . . like on my computer.

Me:  Then double click the circle. Then, when the icons pop up, press the red circle on the corners.  That will close the applications.

Mom: Why would I want to do this?

Me:  I have no f'ing idea.  You asked me how to close out of a program and I'm telling you.

Mom:  Can I give my neighbor my wifi pass code?

Me:  Yes, if you want.

Mom:  So, if she comes over with her Ipad, I can just set it up on my Internet?

ME:  just give her your wifi pass code; she just has to enter the code.  She can do it from her condo.

Mom:  But, can she then see everything on my computer?

Me:  No.

Mom:  how come?

Me:  That’s not how the Internet works.   I'm somewhat busy here.  Anything else?

Mom:  I can’t type well on this keyboard.

Me:  How can I help you with that?

Mom:  I may buy a keyboard and attach it.  Have any of your friends done that?

Me:  No. 

Mom:  Really?  No one?

Me:  They probably just type on the Ipad.

Mom:  I can't type anywhere near as fast as I could on my computer.

Me:  Okay.

Mom:  I definately think I'm going to buy a keyboard for this.

Me:  Sounds good.  Think about adding a monitor as well.  Make your IPAD as non-mobile as possible. 

Mom:  Why do you have to be a wise ass . . .


Postscript:  IPAD 2 for Dummies will be arriving at her door Wednesday, thank you Amazon.  Best $20 I've spent in a long time.  


  1. I've been wanting a tablet for a long time and thus as an xmas gift I received my Kindle Fire. it's smaller at 7" over the 10" pads but it's a lotta fun.

    I'd still like to get a full blown tablet at some point but I don't feel they are price justifyable. In fact, I set up an iPad for a co-worker recently and as I was playing with it I really didn't like it much. Maybe it's because I'm so used to Android OS that the iOS will take a while, I dunno.

    My search continues, maybe next xmas.

  2. PPP,

    I have had a similar conversation with my mother and can understand your frustration.

    Gotta love the moms.

    Good luck,


  3. lol - love the post, p3. Moms are the best!


  4. That is a pretty hilarious exchange. I know your pain.


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  6. you are both sweet and funny!