DC

DC

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Life's Resort Fee


So . . . P3's mid-year taste came in this morning.  PPP was, of course, prepared for the government to take it's cut.  But the State's greed was shocking to see in practice.  Fifty-percent.  Yes, 50%.  A big Hawaii-Five-0.  Where did it all go?  Here, apparently:


                 Federal Income Tax:             38%
                 State Income Tax:                  9%
                 Medicare/Social Security:     2.7%


                 TOTAL:                                  49.7%


Sure, Pete drives and appreciates, like, roads and bridges and whatnot.  And, yeah, it's nice to know that police walk the city deterring some joker(s) from knocking P3 over the head on his walk home from the bar at night (or, at 3:00 in the afternoon as the case may be . . .).  And sure, as a fairly liberal guy, Pete P. Peters is all in favor of providing some assistance to those in need, and has no problem donating to the cause . . . And Pete sure as fuck believes no one should die for being poor (i.e., he fully believes everyone should have access to health care) . . . but . . . . But . . . . BUT . . . . 50% goddamn percent?  P3 only gets to keep HALF of his sweet, sweet roll?!?  Looking at it differently, Pete is basically working for free the remainder of the goddamn year.


And look, Pete is by no means rich.  He is a "working man."  He drinks Miller Lite, loves watching sports, and succumbs often to his minor video poker addiction.  Pete puts on his hard hat every morning and slugs off to the job site with his lunch pale in hand . . . just dreaming of the day he can retire.  And this is how he is treated.  Fifty-G-D-Percent!!!!


But Pete is working on a plan.


Step one - go about impregnating a bunch of young chicks.  P3 is gonna litter the Montgomery County Public Schools with his offspring.   


Step two:  get canned and collect unemployment.


Step 3:  Get incarcerated for a long stretch.  "Country Club," of course.  Tax Fraud seems about right.


Step 4:  Get out of the poke, binge-spend all cash on hookers, booze and black jack, and fall hard into the "guberment net" during his senior years . . . SSI . . . Medicaid . . . Food Stamps . . . the works . . . 


Step 5 -- the finale -- long, slow death in a state-funded hospital.


Uncle Pete is gonna get his in the end . . .





21 comments:

  1. Don't feel bad your not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pete is likely to get incarcerated for a long stretch for executing step one... Thankfully you play as hard as you work. And yeah, the 50% is too high, especially considering the multitude of ways in which it is wasted...

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  3. EAT THE RICH. LMAO. so i take it u didnt go to florida last weekend and instead went to a tea party rally??????? i like yr plan. u need a ponzi scheme thou. imo.

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    Replies
    1. No. I went to Florida. There was a Latin American teen pageant at the hotel. It was, um . . . awesome. I snapped some pool pictures. Will update blog later this week.

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  4. so if u r knocking up young girls.does that mean u arent a homo???????? or is this like a Rock Hudson situation.. #veryconfusedinNoCo???

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  5. i dont think i get enough credit for staying off govt assistance

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    Replies
    1. or 4 being a father.LOL. dont hurt yourself patting yourself on the back

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  6. also,at sometime between steps 1 and 3 . u need to either sell the G and get a 72 glasshouse with some Dayton knockoff rims, bowling ball paint job,lowered,king crown air freshener 4 the dash,lot of subwoofers playing old N.W.A or 3 six MAFIA at hi volume preferably in a residential area.

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  7. Hysterical post, Pete.

    But if you want to go to jail, just don't pay your taxes, that will do the trick.

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  8. also save yrself 9% a year and move to a state with no state income tax. now what states have no income tax that r appealing to a gamboooooooooooling,sun seeking,metrosexual,fitness fiend,food snob,cheap beer drinking counselor. top 2 nevada and florida. problem solved. where is my fixer fee?? i think i have found a new calling. LIFE COACH like micheal clayton but sexier.

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  9. To have a 38% marginal federal tax rate must mean you are making several million a year, since the top bracket is only 39.6%. So...congrats?

    And if you are making that much, surely you must be a partner. so, why not take distributions instead of straight salary?

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    Replies
    1. I'm not. And I'm not.

      This was bonus pay, so perhaps it was taxed on the premise that PPP will make much more than he actually will earn this year . . . Perhaps Pete will get some back in his refund at the end of the year . . . I really don't know.

      All Pete knows is he actually ended up cashing exactly half of the bonus amount . . . and the deductions on the stub were for the amounts above . . .

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    2. Yeah, I think that is the case then. I think accounting systems assume that you are now making that giant pile of money and take out the taxes as if that is the case. I'm assuming you will get a chunk of it back once you file.

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    3. typing 3rd person like mike tyson????????? anger thinks P3 should go to florida this weekend.also, anger thinks P3 needs to visit Ruth's Steakhouse and have aKobe steak and a bottle of that Stag blah blah . happy hump day.BIIIIIIIITCHES

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  10. You will get a refund unless the number of your exemptions is incorrect (too high).

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  11. also,anger was wondering if P3 got the email from Draftkings to transfer from Draftstreet to them and u get a freeroll baseball contest this sunday. i think 1st place is only 1000 dollars. i know that is p-nuts to some1 in your social economic class BUT slumming can b fun. LOL. just kidding

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  12. What's the point of looking at actuals? Just get over it & move on. Looking only upsets you...

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    Replies
    1. I have no clue what I pay in taxes, and I have no doubt that PPP makes more than I, but as the [at least] 5+%'ers (note not the 1%'ers), we do have various advantages at our disposal, such as buying larger houses and writing off the interest as a tax deduction, fully funding our 401(k)s as another deduction, kids (x3 in my case), etc...

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